How to Ask for What You Need (Even When It Feels Impossible)
Mental Health Awareness Month Feature
Some needs are easy to ask for:
“I need a moment.”
“Can you pass the salt?”
“Could we talk this weekend?”
But what about the needs that are tangled in fear, old roles, power dynamics, or shame?
What about asking for what you need from someone who has let you down? Or someone who holds influence over your time, your well-being, or your sense of safety?
During Mental Health Awareness Month, we are turning toward the places where care and courage meet. This week’s question is one we get all the time in BeMo Journaling sessions:
“How do I ask for what I need… when the relationship is complicated?”
The Honest Truth: It Is Complicated
Asking for what you need is not just about the words. It is about navigating histories, expectations, and often, unspoken rules.
You are not broken for finding this hard. You are perceptive. You are aware of what is at stake. And that is actually a strength.
Let us explore what it looks like to ask for what you need when the stakes feel high—and how The BeMo Practice can help.
Step One: Name the Need (for YOU first)
Before you ever say it out loud, name the need clearly for yourself. Not the behavior you wish someone would change. Not the fantasy version of them showing up perfectly.
But the core need.
☑️ The need for respect
☑️ The need for clarity
☑️ The need for emotional safety
☑️ The need for support
☑️ The need for acknowledgment
Use your BeMo Journal to walk through the steps—especially Needs and Knowing. You might write:
“I feel anxious when I think about asking my dad to stop minimizing my boundaries. I have a need for emotional safety and the freedom to be an adult in his presence, not a child under critique.”
Getting honest in your journal makes asking aloud more grounded and less reactive. You are not rehearsing manipulation—you are building truth.
Step Two: Imagine the Need Fulfilled
Not every relationship will meet every need. And it helps to first get clear—what would it even look like to feel that this need was met?
💭 Try journaling this:
“What does fulfilling this need look like for me?
Be descriptive. Build it like a present world, as if you were there. Who is with you? What are you feeling? Is the sun shining?
Now, back your way through it—how did you get there? What did you choose for yourself? What expectations did you let go of? What truth did you choose to share?”
This vision becomes your guide. From there, you can shape an ask that is grounded in your reality and your desires—not a recycled version of a past role or reaction.
Step Three: Ask with Ownership, Not Blame
Here is what this looks like using your BeMo Practice:
Instead of saying,
“You never listen to me.”
Try using FUNCK to communicate verbally:
“I am feeling dismissed and looked over. You are important to me, as is this relationship. I have a need for more conversation and deeper communication. Can we set a time to talk more often or can we set a regular night for us to communicate—no phones, no distractions? I Know I would really appreciate that.”
This is not about softening your truth—it is about honoring it without surrendering your power.
Step Four: Prepare for Any Response (Even None)
You are responsible for the ask, not the outcome.
Some people will not give you what you need. Some cannot. Some will weaponize the vulnerability. That hurts.
So prepare—not to armor up, but to soothe and strengthen.
You can journal a “You Note” in advance as if you are speaking kindly to yourself after the conversation.
“You asked from a place of truth. That was brave. No matter how they responded, your needs are still real. You deserve respect, safety, and kindness.”
Healing is not guaranteed by their reaction. It begins with the action of revealing yourself to yourself.
Step Five: Return to What You Know
Whether your need is met or not, your BeMo Practice gives you something no one can take:
🖊 A record of your inner truth
🖊 A deepened sense of self-worth
🖊 A path forward, even through disappointment
When things feel murky, return to the Knowing. There is often grief in unmet needs—but there is also grounding in what you now see clearly.
You Are Not Asking Too Much
Complicated relationships do not erase your needs. If anything, they show you just how much you have been holding, enduring, or minimizing.
The BeMo Practice is here to support you as you untangle what is yours, what is not, and what deserves to be spoken.
💬 Have you ever struggled to ask for what you need? What helped you find your voice—or what still gets in the way?
Let us keep the conversation going this Mental Health Awareness Month.
—
Need extra support? Explore the steps inside The BeMo Journal, or share your story with our #BeMoJo community by commenting below. You are not alone in learning how to ask. We are right here with you.